LOVE

I had an encounter with Jesus today.

He looked at me with eyes as blue as the sea, and in them were pure love and affection. He told me how beautiful I am, and how much He loves me, without even saying anything. All He did was stare at me and hold my hands, and I knew.

I could weep forever thinking about how much He loves me.

Perspective

It's all about perspective.

I have been living this life for 23 years now, and honestly it's not been bad, but it's also not been amazing a lot of the time. Until now!

Why? Because I am realizing who I am, and who He is!!!!!!

I am His daughter, and He is my Daddy. He love love love love love love loves me! I wish I could just transfer the realization of this directly into your brain as you are reading this. 

I am experiencing more freedom than I have ever known before.

I spent so many years thinking of God as this "Heavenly Father" who really had no input in my life whatsoever, and who just watched me make mistakes from afar. I figured that as long as I did the "right" things I'd be fine. I knew He "loved" me, but more in the way you love your dog... no real communication and if they do something bad you put them in a kennel. 

You know what's even worse? I had NO IDEA I saw God that way!!!!! I thought I had a pretty good perspective of Him. I had no major issues going on in my life, I mean I'm not perfect, but I thought I had it together for the most part.

All I knew was that I wanted more, but little did I know how much more there really was!

He's giving me a new perspective. A new set of lenses :) He's showing me how to see things through His eyes instead of my own.

AND He's giving me JOY! I was sitting here reading my bible, then thinking about what to write on here, and I just burst into laughter. He is just so good. I had no idea what Joy looked like or felt like before now!

Now I realize what "Your joy is my strength" really means. When you have even just a taste of that joy, everything else just fades away. 

God has my back.

I love you all, and I'm praying you experience some of His JOY and LOVE this week! :)

Love,

Hannah

You make me come alive!

God is so good. He has just been showing me deeper and deeper pictures of His character these past few weeks. He has been changing all of my perceptions of Him!

Tonight I was at service, and during worship we were singing this song and one of the lines was "This is what You do, this is what You do, You make me come alive". I started just singing that and thinking about it and God showed me this picture of He and I in a field of wheat (I think?). He was holding me around my waist, with my back towards His chest and He was just twirling me around, and we were laughing and I was just able to rest my head on His shoulder, and just enjoy my time with Him. I attempted to draw it when I got home, but I'm not so talented in that area. It was the most beautiful picture of life and joy and love that I have ever seen!! It just made me feel so good inside. He just wants to be with me and have fun with me and just love on me. How simple is that! It's not about striving or struggle or anything. He just wants to BE with me. Just BE. 

He also just keeps showing me this side of Him, that He is my Daddy. I never really understood that before. I knew the whole "heavenly Father" blah blah blah stuff, but it wasn't something I KNEW. It hadn't hit my heart. This morning during worship a guy came up and started talking about how we need to realize that the Lord DELIGHTS in us. He doesn't delight in us because we love him, He doesn't delight in us because we do things for Him, or obey His commands. He delights in us because we are us! He knew us before we were born and delighted in us then. He delighted in us before we had the chance to sin  or make any decisions at all. He just loves us!!! Condition free!! As he was saying all of this, God just gave me a revelation of what that looks like... Think of an expectant father. A father with a child on the way is already in love with that child. He is excited and has plans and dreams for that child and has this unexplainable deep love for someone who he hasn't met or seen or talked to. He loves that child before the child has a chance to love him back!! And he continues to love that child for the rest of their life despite any choices the child makes to obey or disobey or anything! That's a picture of God's love for us, times infinity!!

His love is just so so so deep and unfailing, and He is so good. 

Thoughts..

I have been in California almost a month now. I really cannot believe how fast time has flown, yet it seems like I have been here at least four months now!

I am learning so much, and growing so much. God has been revealing so many things to me these past few weeks. He has shown me how many religious mindsets I really did have that I wasn't even aware of. He has started changing my perceptions of Him as well. He's showing me how He is my Daddy, how He is my Comfort, how He is my Provision. 

I am overwhelmed but so full of joy at the same time. School is basically like sitting through 2 or 3 church services a day, and all of it is so deep and revelatory that it just takes some time to process. What a good thing to be overwhelmed by..

Today was one of the sweetest days I've had since I have been here. I went to school today, and all we did was make journals - they can be prayer journals or prophetic journals or whatever we want them to be. We cut up magazines and made collages of things that we love, or what we want this year to be like. We could make prophetic declarations through the collages or just make something that represented us. It was great to get into that creative mode and just create. To join with The Creator in creating something beautiful :). 

While we were doing that, groups of us were brought into a different room full of second year students that proceeded to prophesy over us for 10 minutes each. The words I got were sooo perfect. 

I had been feeling down all weekend, not depressed, just off. I miss my family, I miss my friends, and I just have so much to do. I had even talked to my roommate Sarah about it this morning. Then I was prophesied over and the words they kept giving me had to do with this year being a season of rest for me, with no obligations, no expectations. Just a season for me to explore who I am in God, and who God is, and to take in every little thing I see and hear and enjoy it! There was more, but that's just for me. 

God is so so good. I have the best Dad in the whole world. He knows my heart and knows what I need, and He is going to provide it. I don't know what that's going to look like when I am working 40 hours a week, and in school for 20 hours, and have 20+ hours of homework, but I know He's going to take care of it. If He said it, I believe it. 

I already feel a change in my heart and my perceptions, and things that used to plague me are fading away and being healed. I feel like a new person already and can't wait to see who I am at the end of this year. He is so so good. 

~Hannah~

It's Official!

I am IN REDDING!!!  I’ve actually been here for two weeks, but it’s been a little crazy so I haven’t had time to update this thing.

This is going to be the greatest year of my life. I am convinced!

To start off, let me tell you about my trip out here. THREE days of driving in my little Echo across this amazingly empty country. I never knew how many people there aren’t in America.

The first day was pretty long, a grueling 14 hours from Dallas up to Evergreen, CO. We left my house at about 5 AM and drove to Denton to get coffee. We then made our way up through the panhandle of Texas, stopped in Amarillo for lunch, and made our way into New Mexico. Not gonna lie, I was pretty bored through there. It felt like I drove past the same mountain or volcano 5o times. We then headed up to Colorado. Colorado is beautiful, the mountains are breathtaking, and I am so thankful I was able to drive through them. We arrived at my Uncle’s house in Evergreen at around 8 PM their time after eating dinner in Colorado Springs, then we chatted with the family some and headed to bed.

Saturday looked much more promising – it was only and 8 hour trip to Salt Lake City. We started off at 7 and headed over the Rocky Mountains (GORGEOUS – I’ll post pictures later), and then into Utah. Little did we know how long 8 hours could feel. I don’t like Utah. Not one bit. It was flat. It was empty. It was creepy. We stayed at a hotel in Salt Lake City about 2 blocks from “the temple”. Let me tell you, there are some serious strongholds going on in that town!! We did get to see this cool shopping center thing that they built for the Olympics though.

Sunday we left Salt Lake City at the crack of dawn and headed out across the actual Salt Lake. It was so cool!!! I didn’t realize just how diverse the landscape is out there!! It was a strange mix of mountains and deserts and salty sands as far as the eye could see. It was really interesting. Nevada was very mountainous as well. We drove and drove and drove that day until we just couldn’t take it anymore, and finally we arrived in Redding. We got there with just enough time to meet two of my roommates and head the the Bethel night service.

I walked into Bethel and INSTANTLY felt the Lord’s presence. It came on me strong and I started lightly trembling. It was like God just wanted to let me know “you are supposed to be here” just in case there was any doubt in me (and there definitely was). The whole service was just exactly what I needed after those 3 days of wondering why on earth I was really driving across the country and leaving everything I knew to go to a school of ministry when there are 5 million of them in the DFW area! This was meant to be. I felt so much peace about this decision after so many months of struggle.  I can’t begin to describe what went on that night. So good. God is so good.
After the service we headed to bed. Best night of sleep ever. I slept in my new townhouse for the first time and slept in and was so rested. The next day we began the unpacking process. My Dad was amazing. He was so tired, but he just wanted to make sure I had absolutely everything I needed before he left the next day. There are no words to express how grateful I am that he was so supportive and came with me. I would have been a wreck without him. We unpacked all day, and ate In N’ Out with my roommates, and installed a washer & dryer and all sorts of things. It was a long day.

The next day my dad left early to head home and alot of things hit me. I was alone, in California, thousands of miles away from my family. I had a mini panic attack. Once I just let it all out I was fine though.
I seriously am SO blessed. I have the greatest roommates ever!!!!!! Naomi is just a bucket of joy, Sarah is the sweetest person you will ever meet, and Mikaela is just so incredibly sincere and caring. I could not have picked better people to live with. We have a fully furnished 1200 sq ft Townhouse with 3 bedrooms & 2 baths. It is so adorable! I work from home, and we are sharing internet with our neighbor (which is a huge financial blessing), so everything is just working out perfectly!!

We also have Bethel students living on both sides of us. On the right there are three girls, and on the left are two guys, plus an older gentlemen named Francois who I’m convinced is a super hero. He goes to Bethel (so not just a random dude) and is the most considerate person I have EVER MET. He has brought us meals, offered us job opportunities grading papers, and given us tips for the neighborhood.  We love Francois. We always invite him over when we have movie nights and people over. Totally cool.

That’s basically how things are going at this piont. I will write more about the actual ministry school later. I love you all, and miss you so much!! I’m praying for The MVMNT!! Let me know  how everything is going!


~Hannah~